When I was in third grade I decided one day to impress my classmates with my grown-up vocabulary. So I started peppering my speech with the worstest, dirtiest, nastiest words in my vocabulary. I hadn’t yet learned the real powerhouse obscenities, so I worked the room with the words I had on hand.
After almost a whole day of inserting nasty words in every other sentence I shouted out on the playground, my quest to appear tough got nixed when my best friend Steve shrugged his shoulders and asked, “What’s wrong with you? Why are you using all those bad words? It makes you weird.”
Weird. I did not want to be perceived that way on the playground, which is the stage upon which all children first act out the fundamental roles.
Unfortunately, some kids have never had a Steve to restore their humility, so they grow into adulthood not understanding that potty mouth just makes them look...weird.
I’m thinking of beta-boy Beto O’Rourke, the perpetual Texas all-hat-no-cattle political loser, who thinks the way to show off his warrior cred with the Democrat party’s credulous Karens and soy boys is to shout out the F-word while he talks in his imitation manly voice about breaking rules.
Beto needs a good friend who can school him on how people past the age of ten can be persuasive and inspiring without ever resorting to potty mouth. You’d think that a man-boy who aspires to make people compare him to JFK or RFK — two men who understood the difference between rough-and-tumble private conversations and civil public remarks — would understand which speech belongs where.
Is there anybody close to Beto who can tell him that each F he utters will likely add another 50,000 or 60,000 Steves to the GOP vote count in the 2026 midterms?
Probably not. The whole Dim Party seems committed to the idea that real men are growlers who spew obscenities as they come crashing through the swinging doors of a saloon to rescue the town whore from the clutches of the evil Sheriff Trump.
Sadly, I think I have to regress here and display a dash of hypocrisy to make my point: Beto O’Rourke is a poopoo head.
Patrick Totty is a freelance writer who lives in County Karen, a charming liberal enclave in coastal California.
Image: Beto O’Rourke. Credit: Gage Skidmore via Flickr, CC BY-SA 2.0.