A brilliant (and satirical) compilation of boundaries and expectations from the federal government remind us that this is a horrendously toxic union:

When I first started reading the “Relationship Rules” list, I didn’t initially grasp that it was satire, instead thinking it had actually been issued by some unidentified romantic interest, and all I thought was: “What an absolute psychopath.”

Pretty quickly into the list though, the fact that the abusive partner was the federal government was obvious, and my assessment stands—while the list isn’t actually a government document it may as well be, because it’s not at all hyperbole.

“You WILL pay me a large percentage of your income or get locked in the cage” and “If you do not pay me, you will get locked in the cage” resonated deeply—just yesterday I received a letter from the IRS letting me know I was subject to a “penalty for failing to pay estimated taxes.” Now, I’m pretty sure this has already been accounted for when I paid 2023 taxes (I had filed an extension) but nonetheless, it had me fuming.

A line detailing the tax I “owed”? I owe them? When did someone from the government show up for my 4 a.m. shift? Hint: Absolutely never. In what way do I owe the government any of the money I earned? I don’t have any real representation in Congress, and I don’t have any say in what these lawmakers spend money on—if it were up to me, I’d commit my hardearned dollars to almost none of what it actually goes to.

“Interest charges”? When the government actually owes me or my family money, do I get interest when it fails to pay? I’m still waiting on monies to be paid out from over two years ago—so not only am I getting stiffed on interest, but the dollar has only lost value. Double theft, but it doesn’t matter to the abuser.

Speaking in the imperative, the letter directed me to “Make your check or money or payable to the United States Treasury.” My thoughts over that offense are not fit to print.

Anyway, my boys heard my frustration, and suggested that I “just don’t pay.” In other words, I explained rules three and five, which isn’t exactly workable when I have kids to care for.

As one commenter astutely quipped: “Kamala finally put out her policy plan.”

Image generated by AI.