Much of what we present at American Thinker is serious, even rather grim. There is, however, a much more humorous side to life.
Retirement gives one time to reflect, and I’ve been reflecting on my many students. I miss them. Fortunately, I collected the inadvertently funny things they wrote. Some are the result of typographical errors, others an artifact of limited vocabularies running headlong into earnest attempts to expand them. Some were kids working hard to push their writing beyond its current limits. Others are the unintentional marriage of several different concepts, like this one:
Perhaps we will never know why Shakespeare wrote the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet the way that he did. It will remain a mystery to the world. But I know one thing. If he did go out in public, tomorrow, and pull his pants down, people would applaud.
Graphic: William Shakespeare MET DP860174, Wikimedia commons. Public Domain.
I’m still not sure from where the applause came. That delightful juxtaposition of seemingly exclusive ideas was the result of a discussion of Julius Caesar, a mention of Romeo and Juliet, and an aphorism by Edna St. Vincent Millay written on the chalkboard. I hope you enjoy these wonderful linguistic car wrecks:
Only Then? “There was some dialogue when the characters spoke.”
The Man For Me: “Faithfulness is trusting him, knowing that he will be loyal to me, never cheat on me, never lie to me, live by our vowels.”
Of Course: “If I were to read it [a book] myself it probably would have had the same impact on me as if I were to read it myself.”
Under Pressure Department: “When the pressure came on he turned his back and ran to Cape Cod, to relieve himself.”
Human Physiology Department: “It [an a capella piece of music] made one’s back hairs stand up, and that’s neat when it happens.”
From A Male Student: “It [an aphorism] means that women have more a difficult life than men. For example, women have to have the baby but men don’t. Nothing like this has ever happened to me, but I have seen it happen.”
Enema Wars: Clever, quick and cunning Leia got into Jabba’s palace. Her enemas is slow yet powerful…
I Didn’t Know That! “The ancient Greeks were the first to develop a way of life.”
Well, Yeah… “Yet the facts are there that one major concern before teens consider an abortion is, ‘Am I Pregnant?”
More? “I was privileged to be able to attend a Kendo class. It was a very enlightening experience. This was the only class that I was allowed to hit the teacher. There should be more classes like this.”
Religious Freedom Department: “Today, Utah remains the main place for Morons to worship freely…”
The Joys Of Epic Literature: “Since he [Odysseus] was gone for 20 years, his wife tested him on the bed that he made.”
Art Crime: “Good art leaves you feeling pleasant or in disbelief. If this ever happens, you have been a victim of good art.”
We All Know How Much That Can Hurt: “Satire is holding up individuales to riticual by the hyperboles.”
He What? “When Mr. McDaniel was reading this piece of work it held the reader’s attention because the reader wanted to know if he was going to kill himself.”
That Much? “In order to tell you about this religion or belief, I had to do a whole bunch of research, stretching over a long period of time; a week and a half.”
What About Feminine Girls? “It’s based to tell manly girls that they don’t have to do drugs or have sex just to be cool.”
More Right Than They Knew: Jesus is the best example of courage. Even though he had it the hardest, he still hung in there.
Sex Education In The Schools: “From start to finish, the entire story had action. It was like having a climax the entire book.”
Compelling Literature Department: “This story was very good. I would like to finish the story some time.”
He Did WHAT? “You could see the whole story in your head when Mr. McDaniel described the snot coming out of his mouth.”
That Is Tragic: “Police and firefighters [were] helping people. That was terrible.”
Well, yeah… “The only way you could get confused while watching this movie is if you missed almost all of it.”
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Mike McDaniel is a USAF veteran, classically trained musician, Japanese and European fencer, life-long athlete, firearm instructor, retired police officer and high school and college English teacher. He is a published author and blogger. His home blog is Stately McDaniel Manor.